When young adults today tell you, “You have no idea what it’s like being young!”, some truth is held in that statement. As we grow older, we tend to forget what it’s like being an angsty teen in love or an outcast whose bullied and the trials and tribulations of fitting in with peers that seem to only want to use, change, or judge you. Jeff O’Brien does not have this problem. This man can relate to the heartbreak of growing up and finding yourself at such a vulnerable age. His characters have a voice that is so natural and straight from the mouth of youth, that you would think Jeff is still in his teens relating stories of what it’s like to be outcasted. The dialogue is never forced or too over the top teeny boppery (I made that word up…) and the way he conveys their issues is spot on.
In Bigboobenstein, O’Brien brings his natural ability to crawl inside the mind of an outcast and make you feel all the feels. Our story opens up in Dr. Kuntz’s (yes…said exactly how you think) lab where he and his assistant are dutifully working on their new fresh corpse in hopes of bringing it back to life. You see, the good doctor has other reanimated corpses he uses for various…tasks. However, the sexy little undead servants don’t have much in the way of intelligence and perform best when given remedial tasks to carry out. With the help of the Mayor, Kuntz can reanimate all he wants as long as he provides Mayor Janice with a few choice specimens for her own sexual desires and under the condition that he never tries to reanimate a corpse to full brain capacity. Well, a mad scientist will be just that, and ignoring the agreement has decided to attempt to reanimate the new arrival to full brain capacity.
Enter Adelaide De Carlo. A 19 year old young woman who is painfully devoted to her rocker douche boyfriend, Johnny. Oh Johnny…Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, you class A dick. Johnny doesn’t love Adelaide. He’s a cheater, a liar, and a manipulator and would rather look at the big chested bimbos on his album cover than give Adelaide the undivided attention she deserves during their sexual time together. Sadly, Adelaide is completely ignorant to Johnny’s disinterest and despite her insecurities still believes he loves her for her. That is until the day Johnny tells her he wisher her boobs were bigger. This statement immediatly sends Adelaide into a downward spiral of self acceptance through alteration. Now that she knows what Johnny wants, Adelaide is DEAD set on giving it to him. Unlike Johnny, Ron, truly does love Adelaide just the way she is, but she is far to obsessed with her rocker jerk boyfriend to see past anything else. Ron’s love for Adelaide never falters and is truly the definition of unconditional.
Here is where Dr. Kuntz comes in. Offering services to “perfect” the imperfections of insecure young women, Adelaide finds herself in his office scheduling an appointment to give Johnny the big perfect breasts he so badly desires. On her way home from the Dr.’s, she runs into a homeless man whose wisdom and advice is lost on poor Adelaide. Even the man’s talking hernia could not sway her decision to alter herself for a guy who could give two fucks about her. Yeah…I said talking hernia. Ha, this character reminded me a lot of THE HAT from Labyrinth. Its the wise old man with the talking spanish bird on his head; awesome. Herman is an extension of the homeless man’s self. Earlier in his life, he acted very much like Johnny, disrespecting his wife, cheating, and being a “grade A asshole.” After he lost everything, Herman shows up assumingly as a reminder to be better. Despite their warnings, and compliments on Adelaide’s body as it is, the poor girl has blinders on and Johnny is the only person she cares to make happy.
Proceeding with her plans for a new set of knockers, the operation is performed but does not go according to plan. Adelaide wakes up in the office, with not just her old boobs, but now they have been hacked and stitched up. Her body rejected the implants so the operation was a botch. Feeling even worse than she did when she came in, Adelaide heads home where she is met with disgust by her family. Shunned and alone, Adelaide goes to find the one person she believes to love her. Yep. Johnny. No surprise here, he’s shacked up with his album groupies and just to add insult to injury, proceeds to verbally assault Adelaide’s new appearance leaving her heartbroken and suicidal. I got to admit, at this point I’m just hoping she Carrie’s out on all of them, but sadly she has def. not found that inner strength at this point in the book. With nothing left, she lunges off the bridge to her death…or at least that was the plan.
When Adelaide awakes, she is not greeted by angels and clouds, but instead by tiny trolls in cloaks who speak in rhyme. They give the impression that they are friends and that they are here to help her destroy the evil Johnny. After she passes out, she awakes on Dr. Kuntz’s examining table, not quite herself. With a pair of new boobs that are busting out of her corset top, Adelaide discovers that she has been brought back to full brain capacity by the doctor, who couldn’t be more happy with his creation…that is until he is unable to find the only person Adelaide wants to show her new assets off to. With a one track mind, Adelaide leaves a path of destruction in pursuit of her one and only true love, Johnny. She kills the doctor, destroys his office, and continues to kill anyone who cannot tell her where her Johnny is. Despite being at full brain function, she is still very childlike and one track minded. Once she finds what she’s looking for, all Johnny can do is run. Run he does, right into the homeless man and his talking hernia. With the support and encouragement of the duo, Adelaide is forced to break through her blinders and stand up for herself. The tiny bridge trolls have her back as well, along with her brother Bobby, who has been captured by the trolls and deemed the breaker of worlds. What the poor boy has to endure in order to open the divide between worlds is…well…cruel.
This isn’t the longest greatest American Novel, but it certainly is one of the best told stories of self acceptance and what some people will do when they think they are in love. If you can’t love yourself, you have nothing to offer another person. I feel that was Adelaide’s problem and once she was able to see herself as beautiful as she wanted to be seen by others, she no longer needed that validation and was able to open her eyes to someone like Ron. She was so lost in her love for Johnny, you almost want to shake her and say, STOP IT! YOU’RE BEING SILLY! JUST QUIT! Half of what she says and does in the name of her misplaced love is pathetic and obnoxious, but O’Brien does not paint that picture. You geniunely feel her pain and desperateness. I felt her insecurities and her desire to be loved. It was sad, poetic, beautiful. Ron’s love for Adelaide is also something I would normally scoff at (I’m not a romantic), but again O’Brien doesn’t doll it up with candy hearts and chocolates; O’Brien’s love is a gritty roller coaster of emotions and whether dead or alive love will eventually find Adelaide. I love every character in this book. I had a soft spot for the Doctor’s nurses and even learned to love the Mayor. The ending is perfect and Adelaide finally finds she can be comfortable in her own skin. As much as I found myself just feeling bad for Adelaide, this is not a sad book. O’Brien sprinkles humor through out and the ride is rather lighthearted.
Jeff O’brien has become one of my favorite authors in this genre from the time he hooked me in with Frankenstein Fairy. He has a cinematic style of writing with an increible ability to add empathy to every facet of his characters. You can’t help but to be right in the plot when reading his work. Up next from him for me? THE GROOM OF BIG BOOBENSTEIN!!!!!
MEET THE AUTHOR, JEFF O’BRIEN!!!!
Hi. I’m Jeff. I take selfies. I like power metal. I’m also a writer of stories long and short. A lot of them are about hot green women.
I began a one man publishing operation in early 2013 and have placed a few short stories in other publications along the way, my first being “The Girl with the Perfect Hair” in Rooster Republic Press’s Tall Tales with Short Cocks Volume 4. To date I have eight books in my bibliography.
I live in New Hampshire with my wife and our two pups. I have an ever growing collection of glow in the dark toys and vintage beverage apparatuses. When I’m not writing, I’m either cutting steaks or buying awesome stuff at flea markets with my wife.
Show me your love at facebook.com/authorjeffobrien
BUY THE BOOK:
https://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&index=blended&keywords=Bigboobenstein
