REVIEW: Hills Have Eyes..Unrated
The movie begins, much like the original, driving through the desert & then stopping to get some gas. Since this one is a more modern remake, there’s cell phone’s but no signal for some reason. An old gas station fart tells the family he doesn’t have a phone when they ask if they can use it. To be ‘helpful’ the gas jockey gives the family a tip on a shortcut through the hills all the while he’s got a very asinine grin on his face. Anyways these ever so trusting dimwits decide to keep go through the desert wastelands & before too long they hit a spike strip & basically demolish the car into a big rock. The hot pregnant chick from the show LOST, although not pregnant here, decides to lie out in the sun in her bra. Junior chases the dogs while Mother & Daughter tend to the baby, which is known as a snack to the hill folk. Ringo Jr. decides to go one way & the dumb ass father decides to walk back to the gas station to use the guy’s phone. (Yes, the one the guy already stated he didn’t have.) While they’re gone things happen somewhat like in the original. When the father gets to the station, after some snooping he finds the attendant who then blows the top of his skull off with a shotgun… yes!!
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A few seconds later & the torture began. I could continue to tell you everything that happens or I can change gears & tell you about some more differences & annoyances. The original was nowhere near perfect, but it also was not entirely in need of a remake much like most other horror films getting remade these days. Anyways this one follows the original almost to a T. There are a few changes & what seems like a lot more gore, but hardly any major changes to the storyline to really call it a re-envisioning. For some reason in the remake they decided to swap some of the hill people’s names around from what I could tell. Also, those mutie bastards live in houses now… yes, fucking houses. If the government was popping off bombs 30 years ago I think it’s highly likely those houses would be destroyed. The houses they’re living in are the fake town type with plastic people.
This version has an unknown amount of hill people and again, with those changes it still plays out like the original. I would’ve liked a little more originality in the plot for this remake considering it had a budget unlike its daddy. Also the couple scares that I really noticed seemed very staged & fake. The ending wasn’t really very shocking & guess what? It definitely left things open for a sequel. Now I’m not going to say the movie was worthless, it’s nowhere near a Uwe Boll flick, but it wasn’t a masterpiece & it wasn’t quite as good as the original, which wasn’t a masterpiece either like some may try to lead you to believe. This one is definitely worth a rent, but it’s probably not something you’ll want watch but maybe once a year. What started out as a few decent trailers & a fairly decent looking menu was slowly twisted & malformed into a decent, but hardly original remake.
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